To The Man Who First Broke My Heart

(June 6, 2015)

Spite all you put me through,
I always come back.
I answer your calls.
I can’t help it,
you see,
I love you
beyond all reason.
No matter how much time has past,
I never go too long without
failing
to push our memories from my mind.
Years have past,
and our inside jokes have grown stale,
but I still laugh when you say
“I’ll call you in five minutes.”
Its jokes like these
and the fading memories
of being wrapped in your arms
that give me hope for us.
But that hope is an idea
that fails me every time.
And after all this time,
you still push me away.
You and I can barely look
into each other’s faces,
but I still can’t get over you.
I can’t stop loving you.
You will forever be
the point of reference
from which I compare every man to,
and inside them I will always
look for you.
And spite all you put me through,
I always come back.
I answer your calls.
I can’t help it,
you see,
I love you,
Dad.

 

(SIDEBAR: Let it be known to the reader that in the years since this poem was written, my father and I have grown much closer, and our friendship is healthy and well. I’m not going to bore you by detailing the complex, life long relationship between my father and I, as it can be inferred from the poem that it was not very good. This poem was written shortly after it was discovered that my father would not be attending my high school graduation. My heart was broken, and I was jealous that he would attend my older brother’s and not my own. He surprised me by coming anyways. My father is one of my favorite people, and provides a place of refuge for me in a city that is far away when I need to escape the craziness of my other family, and all of the wasps and mosquitoes that dwell here, in the Mid-West. If you ever come across this Dad, I want you to know that I love you and I cherish every word of wisdom that you share with me.)

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